Been sat in my room doing cswk all the time .. trying as hard as i can to catch up with cswk ,.. trying to spare some time to practise some piano .. having to get some music theory done which i can't even do! .. Wanting to revise Japanese..
Constant nagging from all my teachers .. especially my form tutor in college. Every little thing i do .. i always get nagged at .. Its always me! 8 projects all in 1 go .. given 5 weeks to complete them.. i mean .. gimme a break!!! I have other stuff to do!!
i never heard my piano teacher complain to me so much .. tbh .. i don't think i wanna go for my grade 5 piano .. I'm only guna fail. Feel so pathetic .. was supposedly aiming for grade 6.
Nagging here nagging there .. where else?!
Oh yeah .. and just when i finally get a friggin holiday .. my mum nags at me complaining to me for not working at yama! complaining coz i don't go to work .. what do u expect?! I want a fucking break! I need a life! I don't want to fail piano neither ,.. i need to pass it :'(
I mean .. rather than nagging me 24/7 .. college, piano, home,.. even work .. cant they at least show a LITTLE bit of courage?!?
Feel so unwanted right now .. i mean, what's the point in even being here? no-ones ever satisfied with what i do. parents complain saying "Don't do music! Its a shit career!" but thats my dream.. and i gave up my dream coz of them words!! and ofcorse .. i'm not even good enough to begin with anywayz ..
so i chose to do graphics.. so what does my parents say?!? "Why did you choose art related course?! Your just copying your brother, Its no use in life!" I do that, they complain, I do this they complain .. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Yes .. its obvious my opinion doesn't matter to anyone .. You know what .. lately I can't even be arsed to do anything .. can't be arsed to argue back, can't be arsed to do work .. can't be arsed to go to work .. can't be arsed to celebrate christmas .. can't be arsed with my own fuckin birthday! cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba cba!!!!!!!
Do you ever get the feeling like you don't fit in anywhere?
I feel like such an outcast. Unwanted. I always feel like I'm annoying people.. well yeah .. infact, i do! I don't even know what to do anymore! I don't lose my temper over nothing neither!
But yeah, I should be used to it by now!
Do you know how much I hate ignorance?
I CAN'T FUCKIN STAND IT! to me .. it feels like I don't exist to them.. Like they're mocking my existence! Its horrible! Yeah .. It's not like I'm there with you right now .. Not like i fuckin exist to you! not like it fuckin matters when I'm gone! sometimes i wonder .. is a simple reply soo hard to do?! What am i doin.. talking to a brick wall?! Yeah i get that everyday .. in fact .. I don't even have anyone to talk to at home coz my parents are always working and my brothers at blackpool! No1 even talks to me on facebook or msn anymore ..
Friends decide to go clubbing .. I'm guna be 19 soon and yet my parents will complain to me about going out! Its not like Im majorly bothered about clubbing .. I just don't like the fact they moan at me still! ..My mum still gives me lectures on How to Cross the Road EVERY DAY!!
I've drifted apart from my group of friends. Feel like an outcast now .. Don't even get time to see them much and when i do i just ruin everything anywayz .. whats the fucking point .. i might aswel just isolate myself! I can never do anything right .. can never please anyone .. can never satisfy anyone!
everyone always say to me .. "Other people got it worse than you!" Stop fucking comparing me with people!!! This is how i feel END OF!!!!
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